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Tuesday, July 22, 2008 ( 8:58 PM )

Dear Ah Beng,

The udder day, hor, M&M Lee said that he wen live to see Singapore become a “gracious” society, because must wait long-long until we learn a more ‘cultivated way of life’.

Seow leow, I hear oreddy like damn sad like that, sial! How can we be so unfilial to the fudder of our nation? We must all faster learn to be more gracious!

But how, ah?

Samseng Kia

Dear Samseng Kia,

Chope! Why you want us to faster be more gracious?

M&M oreddy say he wen live to see us become gracious, what.

Tha’s mean if we faster become gracious, he will also faster mati. Corright, not?

So choi! Dun say lai dat! If we want him to live long-long, then we must stay as chor lor for as long as possibur.

But true lah, we cannot stay L.C. forever.

So how to become more gracious and atas? We must look for some role model!

How about elite people like, oh, M&M himself? If they can say udder people not gracious, then they must be si peh gracious themself, mah! So to paraph… paphara… perforate… anyhow quote Jack Neo, “Just follow Lee, lor!”

So looking at the record of people who follow him, here are some tips on how to be more gracious:

UNGRACIOUS: when some samseng kau peh kau bus about you, you go and hoot them upside down

GRACIOUS: you hire some tua kee lawyer to sue them in defamation and make them pok kai instead

UNGRACIOUS: hanging out at void decks talking donno what cock with low-class people and kena kiss their argly babies and listen to their sob stories

GRACIOUS: hiring some seow-on social climbing scholars to join your GRC, then arrowing them to do it for you

UNGRACIOUS: arguing with some stupid ah beng in public

GRACIOUS: asking MOE to get the idiot’s PSLE or ‘O’ Level results and show that he couldn’t make it into Cambridge like you

UNGRACIOUS: allowing some young punk to play punk with you

GRACIOUS: use CCTV to catch them when they cockup, then make a big wayang about it in the press

UNGRACIOUS: allowing all sorts of low-class reporters to stir shit just to sell newspapers

GRACIOUS: make sure you own all the newspapers and put your kah kia in there to kuah chwee

UNGRACIOUS: all these chao ah bengs and ah liens roaming the streets

GRACIOUS: encouraging atas people to breed only amongst themselves

UNGRACIOUS: rearing chickens in HDB flats

GRACIOUS: talking cock in ParliamentNah! Go and learn! Next week got test!AH BENG

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